I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
