Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
