she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
