**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You made out with two different species that night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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