Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
