he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
