Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
