I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
