Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
