I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize