I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just cropdusted the office
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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