I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
