So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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