Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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