You don't have asthma, your pregnant
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
