Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
