whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
