Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
