Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
