I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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