it's not cheating when I paid for it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
