One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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