So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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