There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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