just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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