The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
