I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
