There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
