dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You're like the curious george of whores
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
