you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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