She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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