I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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