we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
