I just pynch a tree in the face
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
