Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
