and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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