She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
