i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
