First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She bit a glass in half.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
