If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
