I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
