You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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