i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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