my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
