We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
