I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
