if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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