I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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