It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
