so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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