So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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