"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
