I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
