Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
