is wine microwaveable?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
