I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
