Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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