the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
