You're my little dorito
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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