I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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