Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
