the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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