I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
