If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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