nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
