If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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