I'm drive I can fine osifer
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
