I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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