I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
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you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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