You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
