well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
