I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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