Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You are a genius and a whore.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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