I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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